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TABLOID TALK

By Beauregard Houston-Montgomery
Tuesday, 2/8/2005 12:00 AM
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February 8, 2005

Western civilization (such as it is) is based on marketing, and celebrities fortify and shill those markets by personifying whatever image that market represents. Tabloids are all about enforcing market images, and glorify those celebrities who fit the latest mold. On glorious occasion one of those celebs will actually break the mold, upon which the tabloids go into a frenzy of screaming headlines which catapult said celeb into the stratosphere of archtypical superstardom and inevitable destruction of self (see Valley of the Dolls). This is not to be confused with self-destruction, which can happen to anyone. Not about to self-destruct Oprah Winfrey is the ultimate tabloid drag queen, seamlessly shapeshifting into an astonishing variety of molds. Obligatorily androgynous Oprah can go from black to white, female to male, rich to poor, thin to fat with the flick of a wig, a fad diet, and ... Read More


TABLOID TALK

By Beauregard Houston-Montgomery
Saturday, 2/5/2005 12:00 AM
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February 5, 2005

Pulp tabloids jumpstart me daily into the curious duplicities of life on this planet. Terrified, but somehow satisfied, I study the denizens of the "New York Post", "the "Globe", the "Enquirer", and their nice old auntie the "Examiner" like Margaret Mead might aborigines, all the while trying to discover some objective truth in the various and decidedly subjective accounts each publication features. Of the glossies I pay neither attention nor money. They are edited by people with the mentalities of merchants, and, too often, by former or actual publicists. Pulps cut much closer to the truth, if not the glossier status quo, but only so far as they feel the public can handle. Pulp editors give the public what they want to hear, which is not necessarily the truth, as opposed to the glossies, who simply make ... Read More


TABLOID TALK

By Beauregard Houston-Montgomery
Tuesday, 2/1/2005 12:00 AM
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Feb 1, 2005

The Tsunami has been relegated to last week's Sun cover proclaiming that a UFO had been found among the debris on some remote beach. I didn't actually buy it, deciding instead to wait for the inevitable Learning Channel special... I immediately bought the latest Examiner with the beyond Diane Arbus cover and dreaded headline "Liz plans her own funeral", which is at least not yet "The Sad Last Days of Liz". While she is only 70 something, Ms. Taylor etc has lived through enough pharmaceutical epochs to qualify for at least 400 something. It is amazing the "old trampoline" as she was referred to last year by her butler (at least in the pages of the Examiner) is even conscious, much less still applying eyeshadow. I long for lavish longevity for both Ms. Taylor and her polar counterpart, Doris Day, who is also going ... Read More


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